Reed Counseling & Consulting LLC - And yes it's BLACK OWNED!
Rach - Introduce yourself! Tell me your name and where you are from.
Jessica - Hello Rachel, Thank you for your interest. My name is Jessica Reed. I
am the owner of Reed Counseling and Consulting LLC. I am from
North Mississippi. My passion for my profession has given me the
opportunity to become a Board Certified Tele-Mental Health
Counselor, Licensed Professional Counselor Supervisor– Mental
Health Service Provider, Certified Marriage Counselor, and Prepare
and Enrich Trainer.
Rach - Can you tell me about your background and training in relationship therapy?
What happens in a typical couples therapy session? Is there a couples therapy
method or approach you frequently use?
Jessica - I help couples identify their relationship strengths, gain
understanding about the underlying dynamics that influence their
communication, to improve their growth areas. I work with couples,
small groups, retreats, marriage mentor programs, church-wide
formats, and many other settings. My background as a relationship
expert includes over 7 years of experience and evidence based
research in providing feedback and tools in working with all types of
relationships. I am a trainer and facilitator for Prepare and Enrich
which has helped me support several clients. A typical session
includes practical tool practice, feedback and partner collaboration.
Through this style, committed couples gain a deeper understanding
of dynamics, personality, stress and strength and growth areas. I
use an integrative approach using emotionally focused modalities
which are usually symptoms that bring couples into my office.
Rach - Relationships are unique but can be similar at times. As the saying goes “There
is nothing new under the sun”. From your experience, what are popular issues that
couples seem to have?
Jessica - If you find you have ongoing problems that do not go away over
time, it is important to seek professional counseling. Like any problem or
illness, the sooner you go for help the better the chances are for recovery.
Couples in some form can benefit from strengthening their understanding
in areas of communication, personal stress, conflict resolution, financial
management, sex and affection, relationship roles/expectations, spiritual
beliefs and family styles. For those with children or desire children and
parenting discussions can help couples map out how they will work
together.
Rach - Of the couples you treat, what percentage would you say work out enough of
their problems to stay married or in a relationship with a reasonable amount of
satisfaction with the relationship? What percentage break up while they are seeing
you? What percentage do not improve?
Jessica - Using evidence based assessments and tools, 90% couples end or
decrease services to manage the daily stressors together from a leveraged
relationship. In some cases, counseling in sought after long-term strain
has taken place which can create additional stress for the treatment
process. In my experience a few relationships and marriages have ended
in break up or divorce serving as reported satisfaction in the decision. It is
important to remember,counseling can serve as a place for clarity. Couples
therapy is not to keep couples together, that is a choice they make. The
best therapy approach is to give space for change and evolution.
Improvement is solely based on clients willingness and readiness to
engage in treatment. There maybe other mental health concerns
impacting the couple or one member of the relationship to progress. My
approach is to intentionally make appropriate referrals and treatment
plans to support the client.
Rach - Some people like being “boo’d up” on Social media. Some people never put their
relationships on Social media. What’s your take on this? Does it hurt the
relationship if you involve social media or not?
Jessica - Being listed as one of the 21 Black relationship experts to follow on
Instagram in 2020 by Cosmopolitan Magazine has given me an inclusive
look on the different social media relationship types. Social media can be a
space of emotional health or strain based on your relationship preferences.
A healthy relationship is one that works for both partners involved.
Remember it is a team effort! Relationships thrive when there is
understanding. Social lives can be a source of stress for some couples.One
partner needs more social interaction, while the other prefers much
less. Clear and honest communication of preference, needs and
expectations of one another can help navigate the uniqueness of
one's social relationship. We are not perfect and the issues that arise
are e opportunities to deepen our understanding, but planning the
habit of open communication about your social needs and
expectations, can help partners avoid unnecessary conflict and
misunderstandings.
Rach - “Toxic” seems to be a popular word that’s tossed around when someone does
something crazy in a relationship. For example, you are labeled as “toxic” if you get
jealous easily, are controlling, or just show patterns of disrespect. Is a toxic
relationship fixable? What are some strategies that you can use to help out your
partner or should you just leave?
Jessica - A “toxic” person can be described by stereotype as anyone whose behavior
adds negativity and upset to your life. Many times, people who are
described as toxic are dealing with their own stresses and traumas. As a
result, they may act in ways that don't present them in the best light and
usually upset others along the way. These things can be addressed and
patterns can be unlearned or better managed when uncovering the
experiences that initiate concerning relationship behaviors. As a supporter,
if you have decided you value the relationship and want to support your
partner's healing journey, having ways to avoid using blameful or harmful
language like “toxic” as that invites negativity. Pride, bias, and defensive
mechanisms can prevent us from dealing with problems in a productive
manner. Validate your partners lived experience by learning their story and
the things that impacted the way they show up in the relationship.
Rach - How does one make a “relationship” work? What makes a relationship healthy?
Jessica - I love this question because it provides everyone an opportunity to do
what is best for them. There is no one size fits all approach for
relationships. What makes a relationship healthy depends on what the
partners agree and view as such, interdependent relationships are one in
which you can see yourself and what you need and still see the other
person and what they need. Some qualities that may make relationships
healthy are boundaries, differences, respect, responsiveness, reality,
flexibility, self-awareness, communication and growth. Healthy
relationships rely on both partners' ability to be willing to productively
handle communication and conflict. A healthy relationship needs
appreciation, balance, commitment, commonality, effective
communication, conflict resolution, empathy, honesty, intimacy,
independence, safety and self-confidence.
Rach - In your opinion, is there forgiveness after infidelity?
Jessica - Yes! Forgiveness is the decision or choice to give up the right for
vengeance, retribution and negative thoughts associated with the hurt..
We often associate infidelity as a major betrayal. For the partner granting
forgiveness it will be helpful to acknowledge and give yourself permission
to feel pain, anger, or disrespect. Set clear and specific limits and
expectations for the future. Give up your right to “get even,” but insist on
being treated better in the future. Let go of blame, resentment, and
negativity toward your partner.
Communicate your act of forgiveness. Work toward reconciliation (when/if
safe). This process can promote relief when working through infidelity. It
can be a starting point for healing and reconciliation. Whether you’ve been
together for 5 years or 50, at some point in your relationship you will be
faced with a situation that requires you to either seek or grant forgiveness.
Forgiveness is not: forgetting, condoning, wrongdoing granted on demand.
It can take time to work through the process of forgiveness and sometimes
it is unsafe or impossible.
Rach - What are the benefits of couples therapy? Also promote your business and tell us
what services you offer so the people can connect!
Jessica - Couples therapy is a safe space to find a healthy balance to strengthen
your relationship or marriage. Nothing has to be wrong to seek couples
counseling, in fact I would recommend couples starting before they run
into repeated issues. Couples therapy offers committed partners a deeper
understanding of dynamics, personality, stress and strength and growth
areas. This safe space assists the learning of skills to navigate a particular
stressors or the uniqueness of one's relationship. If there are things you
did not learn before the marriage or relationship that is required for the
health of it, therapy can teach, and facialite and support. Unfilled or
unexpressed expectations often become the source of conflict, exploring
these at the core allows an agreed reality that fosters togetherness
throughout many life's changes. Every relationship reaches a point where
difficult and uncomfortable conversations must be had. We help facilitate
those conversations and open a communication bridge for you and your
significant other. Reed Counseling and Consulting LLC (RCC) offers support to individuals,
couples, families, churches, schools, and community organizations. We
offer counseling, professional development, coaching and educational
groups across the lifespan.
Rach - Where can we find you online and on social media?
Jessica -
Website - https://www.reedcounseling.com/
Instagram - reedcounseling
Twitter - reedcounseling
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/reedcounseling
I always got y'all! Thank you Jessica!
Love, Rach
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